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sound of the organ, accompanied by a chorus of united
voices, had drifted through the autumn air, beckoning
him.
But considering his long estrangement from God,
he d hesitated, sure he would feel almost like an
impostor if he joined that faithful group. Even though
he was trying to work through his anger toward the
Lord and lay to rest the sorrow and sense of loss that
had colored his days for too many years, his issues were
far from resolved. Yes, he d taken a first, tentative step
by sharing his feelings with Reverend Andrews. But he
had a long way to go.
On the other hand, the minister had assured him that
he wasn t alone in his imperfections. As a result, Mark
felt confident that the man would welcome him to his
flock.
Then there was Abby. She was inside those white-
washed walls. That tugged at him, too though going
to church because he was attracted to a member of the
congregation didn t seem like the noblest motivation.
Go or stay. Mark wrestled with the dilemma.
In the end, Mark stopped trying to analyze his
decision and took Marge s advice. He followed his
heart.
And he wasn t sorry. Though the place was crowded
166 A Dream To Share
and the service was well under way when he ventured
into the back door, several people squeezed together to
create a place for him, motioning for him to join them.
Mark did his best to slip into the spot without attract-
ing notice, but as he took his seat, Reverend Andrews
glanced his way from the sanctuary. The smile he gave
Mark chased away any lingering doubts about his
welcome, and he acknowledged the minister with a
discreet nod.
To his surprise, the hymns and prayers and readings
from the Bible called up happy memories for Mark.
Long ago, before Bobby and his mother died, he re-
membered attending church with his parents and Rick.
It had been a larger and grander edifice than this, but
the spirit had been the same. Then, as now, a sense of
unity, of belonging, had pervaded the walls. In that
place, surrounded by fellow believers, Mark had always
felt closer to God, had sensed His love in a special way
as it was made manifest in his believers. He felt that
again now. And only then realized what a great void its
absence had left in his life.
 Recall the words of Matthew.  For where two or
three are gathered together for my sake, there am I in
the midst of them.  Reverend Andrews had moved to
the pulpit and launched into his sermon, and Mark tried
to rein in his wayward thoughts and pick up the thread
of the minister s message after missing the opening.
 That s why we assemble here each Sunday to feel the
power of the spirit, to give witness to the world that we
believe, to proclaim our faith and our trust in the Lord.
 But for that community witness to be strong, we
Irene Hannon 167
also need to know the Lord in a more personal way. To
do that, we have to invest time and energy, just as we
invest time and energy in developing other skills, such
as shooting baskets or playing the piano or listening
with an open, empathetic heart. All of those things take
patience and practice and commitment to master.
Pausing, he let his gaze sweep over the congregation.
 But I submit to you that the satisfaction that comes
from refining those skills, worthy though they may be,
can never match the satisfaction and peace and joy we
receive when we make the effort to establish a personal
relationships with the Lord and follow His call no
matter the surprising directions it can lead. Our private
bond with Him is what gives this gathering meaning.
Sunday worship is a joyful celebration of our individ-
ual relationships with the Lord and the power of our col-
lective witness.
 My dear friends, coming to church is easy. Living
our faith is hard. Both are important. But let us remem-
ber that when we leave here today, the Lord goes with
us. Our faith is not in these four walls, but in the spirit
living within us. As we go about our everyday lives, let s
remember that the Lord walks with us not only on
Sunday but on every day of the week. May we live ac-
cordingly so that we don t disappoint Him.
 Now let us pray& .
As the service continued, Mark bowed his head. He
supposed he d disappointed the Lord. Yet he d been
disappointed, too. In fact, disappointment had been his
constant companion for more years than he cared to
recall. Since he d turned his back on the Lord, nothing
168 A Dream To Share
in his experience had had the power to uplift him, to
motivate him, to fill his life with joy and contentment.
Everything fell short.
As a result, he d lowered his expectations. And he d
erected a thick shell of bitterness around his heart. After
Bobby and his mother died, that shell had protected him
from further hurt. But it had also insulated his heart
from love and the healing grace of God.
All these years, Mark had lived on the surface of life,
a day at a time, never counting on anything or permit-
ting himself to be counted on. Enjoy the pleasures of
the moment, shallow though they may be, and don t
worry about tomorrow. Those had been the principles
that guided his life.
Yet, in retrospect, he realized that he hadn t really
enjoyed the so-called pleasures of his glitzy lifestyle.
The many women he d spent time with had provided
fleeting gratification, but left him feeling emptier
than ever. The liquor had mellowed his restlessness
and ennui for brief intervals but only intensified the
void in his life once the intoxication wore off. The
travel and parties and trips to the health club had been
mere diversions, designed to keep him busy and to
distract him from the cold truth of his aimless,
drifting life. A life that lacked purpose and direction
and meaning.
A life that lacked God.
In turning away from his faith, Mark realized, he d
turned away from the one thing that could have stabi-
lized his world and given it meaning in the midst of
chaos. Because he d demanded answers when there
Irene Hannon 169
were none or none that he could understand, as
Reverend Andrews had pointed out his quest had been
doomed to failure. He d put God to the test and, in his
mind, God had failed.
But he was the one who had failed, Mark acknowl-
edged. By not putting his trust in God, by not placing his
anguish in God s hands, he d turned away from the one
true source of consolation. That had been his big mistake.
And he d been paying for it ever since.
Mark still didn t know how to go about mending the
rift he d created with the Almighty. But here, in this
place, surrounded by people of faith, he found the
courage to reopen a dialogue.
Please forgive me for turning away from You, Lord.
I wish someone like Reverend Andrews had come into
my life a long time ago so that I wouldn t have wasted
all these years. But maybe I needed the years of
emptiness to appreciate the things in life that really
matter.
It s been a long journey, Lord. But like the prodigal
son, I d like to come home now. I ask You to show me
the way. I suspect You ve already set me on the right
path by bringing me to Oak Hill. I ask that You give me
the wisdom to discern Your will and the courage to [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]