[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

 And you re blaming yourself for what happened?
 No. I know it was the gunman crushing the air out of Kyler that set the dominoes to falling. It s
just I can t do it again. He realized they were talking about two different things at the same time,
but each of them was able to hold onto the threads of conversation.
 You could.
 No, Erick. I really can t. Cooper held up his hand, cutting Erick off.  I know I should try again.
Intellectually, I know that. It s been twenty years. But emotionally? I just can t. Especially not with
someone like Kyler Pembelton.
 What s so special about Kyler?
Again, it was a leading question that was supposed to help Cooper get to the heart of his issue.
Cooper got that, but he couldn t help but fall right into line with the way Erick gently nudged him. He
had a way of getting there, or of making Cooper get there. He often thought Erick was a master of the
art because now that Cooper started talking he was already halfway toward healing himself.
 What s so special about Kyler is he s actually a really good guy.
 And Ross wasn t?
 Don t do that, Cooper snarled.  Don t compare Ross to Kyler or vice versa. It s not about that.
It s not.
 Then what is it about? Erick s tone was gentle, but the question was sharper than any blade.
 It s about me. Cooper realized how selfish that sounded. But better to admit to that than the real
truth that he was afraid of killing another man.  I can t take it. I can t feel all of that again.
 Feel what, exactly?
 The longing. The hope. That lightning-hot burst of lust that mellows out into love. I can t watch a
man s eyes fill with fire and then&  Cooper couldn t even put into words what he d watched happen
to Ross. In his nightmares, that look was so vivid that it make him wake up screaming. To describe it
in Kodachrome terms to Erick was something he just couldn t do.  Kyler is one of those very rare men
who does good in this world.
 So you only deserve a mate who isn t quite so giving?
 That isn t what I mean.
 Then explain it to me.
 He s just not the right guy, okay? Cooper stuffed an entire cookie in his mouth to stop himself
from talking. It also forced him to realize the cookies were really, really good. Macadamia nuts and
dark chocolate chunks in some kind of peanut butter base. Leave it to Oliver to make the crack of
cookies. Although, to be fair, everything Oliver made was like crack. The only reason they weren t all
sporting love handles was because they worked out like fiends for their jobs.
Erick stood placidly, waiting for Cooper to finish his mouthful.
 I just don t think Kyler is the right man.
 Why?
 He s well known. Is that what we really need? Me with a potential mate who everyone in LA
knows? That s a really bad idea. It puts all of us in the spotlight.
 You could retire. Erick kept his voice low and calm, but Cooper couldn t help but feel that he was
pushing.
 I m not so old I need to retire.
 It s not about age, Coop. It s about giving yourself a life. You could have that with him.
 No, I couldn t. I can t be his bodyguard.
 Where the hell did that come from? I think you being his bodyguard is a horrible idea. Erick
poured more milk into both of their glasses.  But you could be with him.
 As what? His arm candy?
 Is that what you think Kyler is looking for?
 I have no clue what he s looking for since I didn t share more than a dozen words with the man.
Cooper polished off his milk and then swiftly walked away. All his conversation with Erick had done
was agitate him enough he decided to go down and swim.
 Walking away doesn t solve things, Coop. Erick was right behind him.
 I forgot you have legs. Cooper stopped trying to get away. Instead, he turned and faced Erick,
confronting not only him but the entire situation head-on.  He s a potential. That s all. There s no
guarantee on that kind of pull toward a man, and you know it.
 Right. I get that. Erick held his place. Both of them were in the short hallway that would take
them to the stairwell.  The question is, are you going to take the chance and kiss him, or do you intend
to just avoid him?
It was dark enough that Cooper didn t feel exposed, but he knew it would have to be a hell of a lot
darker for Erick not to be able to see him clearly. For a moment, Cooper let himself imagine what
kissing Kyler would be like. That spark of attraction would either explode into a wildfire or it would
emit a tiny puff of smoke and burn out. The question was what did Cooper really want to have happen?
 I m not going to kiss him. Cooper vowed that he would hold to that. He d been with men that he
thought might be potentials. Once, he d even fooled himself into thinking that he could have sex [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]